Dating. HBS. Kwame. Goodbye.
Surprisingly, I am at a loss for words. Yes, I know expectations are higher than in high school when I first lost my … pencil and I was taking an AP History exam (even though this is my last column, it shall remain classy!).
But in his final column, what can your famous dating columnist actually do (other than refer to himself in the third person)?
During my two years at HBS I’ve done my best to help you, my loyal and succulent readers, find happiness in your love lives. But alas, our journey is about to end. While Dean Noria promotes peace and benevolence in the corporate world, even he is unwilling to allow me to stay on campus after my tuition expires, and thus, this is my final column.
I thought about writing a haiku about the EC formal, parodying another Disney song, or recanting about another date gone bad (who knew that taking someone to an all you can eat Chinese food restaurant in Lowell, Mass was a bad idea?), but you deserve something brilliant for my last installment.
18 months ago I famously wrote in the Harbus:
“Dating. HBS. Kwame.”
And now I conclude:
Dating. HBS. (No longer needs) Kwame.
Yes, my little (finance crazed) monsters, you no longer need your weekly fix of the Kwama Sutra to lead a fulfilling, romance driven life. I believe that if you have been reading (and let’s be clear – you’re all reading), you should have a war chest of takeaways to ensure dating success.
In fact, I fancy my column to be much like the case method. While each class has a delicate message or point, you often don’t realize the full extent of each case or how much you’ve learned until much after the course ends. I think the same will be true with my column. And yes, I’ve enjoyed being your protagonist.
I’m confident that you’ll know how to turn a learning team esque relationship into a romantic relationship (where you still get write-ups, obviously) or what to whisper in someone’s ear the next time you’re at a White Party at Rumor or even how to tell if that meeting in the company dining hall is a date or not. Yes, you are ready to graduate.
So what about me? While I am still single, let’s just say I think my future is looking up. I now get to have the dougie of a Harvard Business School graduate. You ask: why will that change my predicament when I have been able to use Harvard Business School to help my game for the past two years? And I respond: I am not sure, but please don’t ruin my last moment in the spotlight with your negativity. I’ll trick (or err, seduce, or err, help) someone to fall in love with me–have some faith.
And while my column ends, I’ll be in your thoughts (partially because I incepted you) for quite some time.
So, whenever you see two animals walking together – one less attractive… I’ll be there. Or when you overhear someone using a horrible pickup line at a bar … I’ll be there… or when you watch a Denzel Washington, Will Smith, or Justin Bieber movie and think – these guys are attractive, but not as attractive as that guy I went to business school with – I’ll be there… in the back of your mind.
Inevitably, there’s a thank you portion in each one of these types of things, and I am no exception. First and foremost, I want to thank everyone who contributed to the column. Those of you who really know me understand one thing: I am not funny. Charming – sure. Endearing – absolutely. Drop dead gorgeous – after a few drinks, then yes. But I am not funny. All of my jokes are tested time and time again over gchat, through phone conversations, and in the hallways of HBS. So, for those of you how have graciously given me your input – thanks.
Also – I need to thank both of my editors: Kay and Lavayana!
And to my readers – especially those readers who found me much more attractive because of the column – thank you.
Well, that was fast (and yes, that’s what all folks at HBS say).
I guess at this point there are a few words left to write.
Dating. HBS. Kwame. Goodbye.