Dear Harby: The Advice Column for MBAs

Harby, Satirical Advice Columnist

Dear Harby,

It’s May and I still don’t have an internship for the summer. I’m getting kinda desperate. What should I do?

– Procrastinator in Peabody

Dear Procrastinator,

That whole “get a job” thing really snuck up on you didn’t it? I mean if only HBS had a department — a “center,” perhaps — for professional development! You know, like a place that would spam you with tons of anxiety provoking emails, prodding you to talk to career coaches or practice for case interviews. If only HBS has more industry clubs with the exclusive and transparent focus of connecting students with employers! I mean but seriously though, HBS graciously gave you, like, three days off in September in which you could recruit, right? That’s way more than enough time. That’s why there’s no need to have Fridays off.

Or maybe you’re one of those wanna-be start-up types that I see on that Silicon Valley TV show. They don’t recruit until super late, don’t then? One follow-up question — if your goal was to go to work at a startup, why did you go and get a credential that is only really prized by the most established firms?

I would probably just cut my losses now, find some B.S. organization I can serve as a “consultant” and then just use that as a cover for traveling around the world. Honestly, you’ll only be in your first job out of HBS for a year or two, so just imagine how much more meaningless this summer is. Enjoy it!

Safe travels,

Harby

 

Harby,

I’m a prospective student and I love reading The Harbus! However, I recently read the Golden Passport by Duff McDonald and it’s pretty critical of the school. I’m not now not so sure about coming to HBS. What do you think?

– Wondering in Westport

 

Dear Wondering,

You’re right. It would be so much better if HBS was less wealthy and influential. If we had fewer applicants, enrolled fewer students, had fewer powerful alumni, and gave away half of the endowment — we’d be Stanford GSB, and look how much everyone loves them! Oh actually, if we gave away half the endowment we’d still be a 50% wealthier Stanford GSB.

Dirt McDutchrudder has a point though, all the HBS classes totally emphasize shareholder returns above all else! Just look at some of the RC classes. There is FRC (“Fraud, Rape and Corruption”), TEM (“The Evil Manager”), LCA (“Lacking Corporate Accountability,” and of course, our touchy-feely leadership class, GREED.

All-in-all, that book is about one dramatic and desperate writer’s fantasies of corrupted American elites, not about the reality Harvard Business School, its students, or its faculty. Dank McDumpster has been leering at the school for years, looking desperately for something salacious to write. He thinks he found it, but it reads more like the DaVinci Code than All the President’s Men. Plus, if brevity is the soul of wit, at 672 pages this book must be the antichrist of boredom. We should treat this author like every other Allstonian who presses their face a little too long into the windows of Spangler, and politely ignore them.

My advice, follow the aphorism of Caligula. “Let them hate so long as they fear.”

Have a Golden Day,

Harby


Harby is a Pulitzer Prize-nominated MBA advice columnist and the author of such bestsellers as Teaching Your Dog How to DCF and The Seven People You Meet at the Boston Doubletree. Want some advice from Harby? Email your question to [email protected]