Building on Success of Tinder Gold, Accounting Unit Offers New 2019 SIP, “Maximizing Value Through Swiping Right”

Morgan Hall – After the successful launch of Short Intensive Programs (SIPs) this past January, and recognizing the potential that premium dating app subscriptions hold, this week the Accounting Unit announced its latest 2019 SIP offering, “Maximizing Value Through Swiping Right.”

“In the true spirit of capitalism, we want to help students build the strongest transactional relationships possible,” said Accounting Unit Professor Frank X. Chainj. “The proliferation of Tinder Gold and The League subscriptions among the male student body at HBS is a clear signal that these students are developmentally ready to learn how to gamify their interactions with the opposite sex.”

According to course designers, the program’s modules have been custom designed to address the most salient issues facing insecure b-school bros, including:

  • “what the hell is a Boost?”: Understanding the Gimmicks You’re Shelling Out Hard-Earned Student Debt Dollars For
  • Maybe Just Meditate Instead: Alternatives for Filling the Gaping Void in Your Soul
  • You Could Try Just Talking to Them: Introduction to Communicating with the Opposite Sex
  • Oh, You Haven’t Been Invited to Raya?: Getting In On What the Actual Cool Kids Are Doing

The administration has also endorsed the program, and is considering a wider rollout to incoming RCs. “Mechanizing these interactions could be essential to minimizing the school’s liability for the gray areas of sexual harassment,” noted course coordinator M. L. Privlidge. “Here’s to no more awkward chats with admin!”

Student reactions were instantaneous. “Finally, a course at this school that I can use!” said RC Todd Brohan. “This will revolutionize my Rio experience next year!”

The course is already oversubscribed; for prospective students who would like to be waitlisted, the department has established a dedicated phone line, 1-900-HATE-SELF.