THE RESULTS There are some survey questions that female students of HBS nearly unanimously agreed upon. The dynamics that would make over 95% of female HBS students uncomfortable if performed by either a male co-worker or a male supervisor in the office are: whistling at her as she walks by and intentionally brushing up behind or beside her. Alternatively, the dynamics that would leave over 95% of female HBS students comfortable if performed by either a male co-worker or a male supervisor include: being in a closed (but not locked) office together and asking a woman to join him and a group of male coworkers at a work-related social event, such as a sports game or concert. A female MBA student found the last statistic to be significant. “I don’t think it’s surprising at all that women feel comfortable being invited to these outings. Attending work-related events outside of the office is part of your career, part of building your brand,” she explained. “There’s an unspoken ‘secret sauce’ , which is: do the seniors know who you are? Is your name out there? Women want the opportunity to make a name for themselves just like men do in these super casual but important situations.” When prompted to speculate why men would retreat from extending such invitations to women, she offered her own personal anecdote of being left out from a weekly happy hour among the men in her office. “For years I was excluded from the opportunity to spend time outside of the office with my male colleagues, and it’s unfair.” She continued, “Men are very afraid they’re going to get accused of doing something wrong, and the upside to them does not seem to be worth it.” More commonly, though, as is the case in any HBS classroom discussion, the survey results yielded plenty of contrasting opinions – especially when dynamics involved romantic relationships. 48% of female HBS students reported that they would feel comfortable if asked on a date by a male co-worker. Only 6%, on the other hand, reported that they would feel comfortable if their male supervisor made the same proposition. The survey revealed another close outcome when female HBS students opined on being asked about their romantic relationships by their male supervisor: 51% said they would feel comfortable with this. Conversely, 74% of respondents reported feeling comfortable discussing their relationships with male coworkers. On a related note, when asked about either a male co-worker or supervisor inquiring about their sexual orientation, only 37% and 24% of women, respectively, reported feeling comfortable. A male HBS student believed that these results speak to the importance of being thoughtful about the wide array of interpersonal dynamics and differences that could influence how these situations are experienced. “If you want to deepen a relationship with someone in your office, either as a friend or romantically,” he said, “you have to be respectful and approach each relationship on a case-by-case basis. That respect means being thoughtful about where your coworkers might be coming from – you cannot make assumptions.” Female HBS students were also collectively ambivalent regarding their experiences with language used in the workplace, revealing that an expression that is unobjectionable to some could simultaneously be experienced as sexualized or offensive by others. For example, phrases such as “we don’t want to get too pregnant with an idea/deal” and “opening the kimono” received nearly an even split among those who feel comfortable with this language and those who do not. One female HBS student explained that her discomfort with such phrases stems from the gendered nature of the expressions themselves, and what the use of these terms conveys about the speaker. “If my male boss uses this phrase,” she elaborated, “it’s clear to me that he’s unaware that he is making a gendered comment. He’s completely unaware of his audience.” “It’s important that you understand the meaning of what you’re saying and the way it might be perceived by other people,” added a male HBS student. Still, he observed, “what’s difficult is that the language we use and our ways of engaging with others have been deeply ingrained. They are habits that are difficult to change unless you have made a conscious effort on your own to change them.” Perhaps unsurprisingly, when the phrases become more sexually explicit, such as when penis analogies are used (e.g., “grow a dick,” “they’re measuring their dicks”), respondents noted feeling collectively more uncomfortable: only 36% and 22% of women feel comfortable when male co-workers and supervisors, respectively, use these phrases in work-related discussions. Interestingly, when prompted about their comfort with their male co-workers or supervisors employing the word “pussy” in work-related discussions, only 7% reported feeling comfortable. Survey respondents also weighed in on a more innocuous occurrence in workplace conversations: when men change their mind or apologize after using an expletive, simply “because a woman is present.” Two-thirds of female HBS students feel uncomfortable when male co-workers and supervisors do this. Perhaps the spoken act of drawing attention to a female colleague’s presence – to her femaleness and all that this could convey – is actually drawing attention, more fundamentally, to her difference. “When men do this,” said a female HBS student, “it makes me think that they can’t be themselves around me, that they have to police themselves. It makes me feel like I am lesser.” Female HBS students recorded another mixed response when asked about their attitudes surrounding a ubiquitous – yet often gendered – salutation: the hug. In workplace contexts, while 80% of respondents feel comfortable being hugged as a salutation by their male co-workers, only 61% feel comfortable when their male supervisors do the same. A similar pattern exists for the act of touching a woman’s arm or patting her on the back to console her: 83% and 70% of women, respectively, reported feeling comfortable with their male co-workers and supervisors doing so. A female HBS student offered her thoughts on these results. “I think a lot about how to greet someone in a work context before the meeting. I’ll be thinking about whether I should initiate a hug, a kiss on the cheek, or a handshake. This actually brings me a lot of anxiety,” she confessed. In considering how this ambiguity might be more constructively handled, she offered the following suggestions: “First, the takeaway of this data point for me is to ask. Also, though, I think men should try to be more aware of nonverbal cues. At the end of the day, I’d like to be greeted in the same way that someone would greet a man.” Another female student shared her thoughts: “Your workplace is where you spend most of your time, and it should feel comfortable and human. But, is there any need to hug in the workplace? No. Of course not. That said,” she hesitated, “it’s unnatural or unrealistic to think that people are going to start treating their workplace like a sterile environment.” And – would women want that, anyway? A male HBS student echoed his female peers, citing a need to become more comfortable with inquiry and openness in these situations. “You have to ask – it’s a sign of respect. For example,” he added, “if you are the type of person that greets people with a hug, you’re going to have to communicate that, and make sure that you are respecting people’s individual boundaries.” Some of the most interesting data that the survey yields centers on female HBS students’ perceptions of male co-workers and supervisors, respectively, sharing one-on-one drinks with junior males and females, respectively. 90% of respondents reported that they would feel comfortable if they were to see a male co-worker getting drinks one-on-one with a junior male employee. A similar comfort level (e.g., 86%) was reported when the parties in question were a male supervisor and a junior male employee. Similar, but slightly less, comfort levels were reported when male co-workers or supervisors were to be seen having drinks one-on-one with a junior female employee. 86% of respondents felt comfortable seeing a male coworker and a junior female employee getting drinks together, while only 74% felt comfortable when the parties in question were a male supervisor and a junior female employee. Notably, a perception gap among these scenarios only exists when the actors being considered are a junior female employee and her male supervisor. A female HBS student interpreted this situation: “the knee-jerk reaction is that something sketchy is going on, and that this situation is not OK.” Ideally, according to the student, this wouldn’t be our reaction. Acknowledging that this immediate assumption is difficult to shake, the student continued, “It is OK to have the knee-jerk reaction that something sketchy is going on, as long as it is checked,” she emphasized. “I would give someone the benefit of the doubt in this situation, and I hope someone would do the same for me.” Given that these contexts are often opportunities for employees to bond in a more casual setting outside of the office, the consequences of even a small perception gap can be meaningful. Explains one female HBS student, “a lot of the relationships that further careers are organic, and when men receive different treatment , it gives them an advantage in developing those relationships. Not being invited to these things might not seem like a big deal now,” she acknowledged, “but the more we progress, the bigger deal this becomes.” OUR NEXT 25 YEARS Through this survey, we grew in awareness of our female peers’ subjective experiences of harassment or discomfort in the workplace. But many more important questions remain to be explored. For example, how might men have answered these same survey questions, if prompted to take the survey from the perspective of a female colleague? How do men, themselves, view the appropriateness of a senior male executive getting drinks with a junior male versus a junior female? As this survey specifically targets female students, the results yield only part of the story – and these issues are equally as challenging and uncomfortable for men as they are for women. How can we begin to discuss and resolve these issues in a way that makes everyone comfortable to share their stories?
THE RESULTS There are some survey questions that female students of HBS nearly unanimously agreed upon. The dynamics that would make over 95% of female HBS students uncomfortable if performed by either a male co-worker or a male supervisor in the office are: whistling at her as she walks by and intentionally brushing up behind or beside her. Alternatively, the dynamics that would leave over 95% of female HBS students comfortable if performed by either a male co-worker or a male supervisor include: being in a closed (but not locked) office together and asking a woman to join him and a group of male coworkers at a work-related social event, such as a sports game or concert. A female MBA student found the last statistic to be significant. “I don’t think it’s surprising at all that women feel comfortable being invited to these outings. Attending work-related events outside of the office is part of your career, part of building your brand,” she explained. “There’s an unspoken ‘secret sauce’ , which is: do the seniors know who you are? Is your name out there? Women want the opportunity to make a name for themselves just like men do in these super casual but important situations.” When prompted to speculate why men would retreat from extending such invitations to women, she offered her own personal anecdote of being left out from a weekly happy hour among the men in her office. “For years I was excluded from the opportunity to spend time outside of the office with my male colleagues, and it’s unfair.” She continued, “Men are very afraid they’re going to get accused of doing something wrong, and the upside to them does not seem to be worth it.” More commonly, though, as is the case in any HBS classroom discussion, the survey results yielded plenty of contrasting opinions – especially when dynamics involved romantic relationships. 48% of female HBS students reported that they would feel comfortable if asked on a date by a male co-worker. Only 6%, on the other hand, reported that they would feel comfortable if their male supervisor made the same proposition. The survey revealed another close outcome when female HBS students opined on being asked about their romantic relationships by their male supervisor: 51% said they would feel comfortable with this. Conversely, 74% of respondents reported feeling comfortable discussing their relationships with male coworkers. On a related note, when asked about either a male co-worker or supervisor inquiring about their sexual orientation, only 37% and 24% of women, respectively, reported feeling comfortable. A male HBS student believed that these results speak to the importance of being thoughtful about the wide array of interpersonal dynamics and differences that could influence how these situations are experienced. “If you want to deepen a relationship with someone in your office, either as a friend or romantically,” he said, “you have to be respectful and approach each relationship on a case-by-case basis. That respect means being thoughtful about where your coworkers might be coming from – you cannot make assumptions.” Female HBS students were also collectively ambivalent regarding their experiences with language used in the workplace, revealing that an expression that is unobjectionable to some could simultaneously be experienced as sexualized or offensive by others. For example, phrases such as “we don’t want to get too pregnant with an idea/deal” and “opening the kimono” received nearly an even split among those who feel comfortable with this language and those who do not. One female HBS student explained that her discomfort with such phrases stems from the gendered nature of the expressions themselves, and what the use of these terms conveys about the speaker. “If my male boss uses this phrase,” she elaborated, “it’s clear to me that he’s unaware that he is making a gendered comment. He’s completely unaware of his audience.” “It’s important that you understand the meaning of what you’re saying and the way it might be perceived by other people,” added a male HBS student. Still, he observed, “what’s difficult is that the language we use and our ways of engaging with others have been deeply ingrained. They are habits that are difficult to change unless you have made a conscious effort on your own to change them.” Perhaps unsurprisingly, when the phrases become more sexually explicit, such as when penis analogies are used (e.g., “grow a dick,” “they’re measuring their dicks”), respondents noted feeling collectively more uncomfortable: only 36% and 22% of women feel comfortable when male co-workers and supervisors, respectively, use these phrases in work-related discussions. Interestingly, when prompted about their comfort with their male co-workers or supervisors employing the word “pussy” in work-related discussions, only 7% reported feeling comfortable. Survey respondents also weighed in on a more innocuous occurrence in workplace conversations: when men change their mind or apologize after using an expletive, simply “because a woman is present.” Two-thirds of female HBS students feel uncomfortable when male co-workers and supervisors do this. Perhaps the spoken act of drawing attention to a female colleague’s presence – to her femaleness and all that this could convey – is actually drawing attention, more fundamentally, to her difference. “When men do this,” said a female HBS student, “it makes me think that they can’t be themselves around me, that they have to police themselves. It makes me feel like I am lesser.” Female HBS students recorded another mixed response when asked about their attitudes surrounding a ubiquitous – yet often gendered – salutation: the hug. In workplace contexts, while 80% of respondents feel comfortable being hugged as a salutation by their male co-workers, only 61% feel comfortable when their male supervisors do the same. A similar pattern exists for the act of touching a woman’s arm or patting her on the back to console her: 83% and 70% of women, respectively, reported feeling comfortable with their male co-workers and supervisors doing so. A female HBS student offered her thoughts on these results. “I think a lot about how to greet someone in a work context before the meeting. I’ll be thinking about whether I should initiate a hug, a kiss on the cheek, or a handshake. This actually brings me a lot of anxiety,” she confessed. In considering how this ambiguity might be more constructively handled, she offered the following suggestions: “First, the takeaway of this data point for me is to ask. Also, though, I think men should try to be more aware of nonverbal cues. At the end of the day, I’d like to be greeted in the same way that someone would greet a man.” Another female student shared her thoughts: “Your workplace is where you spend most of your time, and it should feel comfortable and human. But, is there any need to hug in the workplace? No. Of course not. That said,” she hesitated, “it’s unnatural or unrealistic to think that people are going to start treating their workplace like a sterile environment.” And – would women want that, anyway? A male HBS student echoed his female peers, citing a need to become more comfortable with inquiry and openness in these situations. “You have to ask – it’s a sign of respect. For example,” he added, “if you are the type of person that greets people with a hug, you’re going to have to communicate that, and make sure that you are respecting people’s individual boundaries.” Some of the most interesting data that the survey yields centers on female HBS students’ perceptions of male co-workers and supervisors, respectively, sharing one-on-one drinks with junior males and females, respectively. 90% of respondents reported that they would feel comfortable if they were to see a male co-worker getting drinks one-on-one with a junior male employee. A similar comfort level (e.g., 86%) was reported when the parties in question were a male supervisor and a junior male employee. Similar, but slightly less, comfort levels were reported when male co-workers or supervisors were to be seen having drinks one-on-one with a junior female employee. 86% of respondents felt comfortable seeing a male coworker and a junior female employee getting drinks together, while only 74% felt comfortable when the parties in question were a male supervisor and a junior female employee. Notably, a perception gap among these scenarios only exists when the actors being considered are a junior female employee and her male supervisor. A female HBS student interpreted this situation: “the knee-jerk reaction is that something sketchy is going on, and that this situation is not OK.” Ideally, according to the student, this wouldn’t be our reaction. Acknowledging that this immediate assumption is difficult to shake, the student continued, “It is OK to have the knee-jerk reaction that something sketchy is going on, as long as it is checked,” she emphasized. “I would give someone the benefit of the doubt in this situation, and I hope someone would do the same for me.” Given that these contexts are often opportunities for employees to bond in a more casual setting outside of the office, the consequences of even a small perception gap can be meaningful. Explains one female HBS student, “a lot of the relationships that further careers are organic, and when men receive different treatment , it gives them an advantage in developing those relationships. Not being invited to these things might not seem like a big deal now,” she acknowledged, “but the more we progress, the bigger deal this becomes.” OUR NEXT 25 YEARS Through this survey, we grew in awareness of our female peers’ subjective experiences of harassment or discomfort in the workplace. But many more important questions remain to be explored. For example, how might men have answered these same survey questions, if prompted to take the survey from the perspective of a female colleague? How do men, themselves, view the appropriateness of a senior male executive getting drinks with a junior male versus a junior female? As this survey specifically targets female students, the results yield only part of the story – and these issues are equally as challenging and uncomfortable for men as they are for women. How can we begin to discuss and resolve these issues in a way that makes everyone comfortable to share their stories?
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