Deconstructed: The Art of Coffee Chatmaxxing

An introvert shares observations and tips for navigating the social demands of HBS.

As we all know, HBS is a very special place. There’s really nowhere like it. Even though I know how important it is to be present during my two years here, I must admit that from time to time, such as in the midst of thrilling socratic debates about shower heads during Marketing or yet another dinner party conversation about pre-, intra-, and post-HBS career plans, I dissociate. As my mind wanders, I find myself mulling over the question, “what are we even talking about right now?” No two weeks are the same and yet, at times, it feels as though the core underlying vibe of my fall semester experience could be likened to the movie Groundhog Day, in which the protagonist is stuck in a repetitive time loop. This could very much be a skill issue on my part, but I’ve found that the range of conversational topics is quite narrow in most social settings during the RC year.

My EC and alumni sources have informed me that it does get better and that there are greener pastures ahead. “Just wait until BGIE and LCA, then the real juicy hot takes will come out!” my predecessors assure me. In fact, some have even gone as far as to argue that there are upsides to the infamous intensity of the firehose that is the RC year. Some would call it “character building,” while others prefer the term “trauma-bonding,” but I have found it helpful during awkward networking circumstances to break the ice with the pickaxe of the universal HBS experience. It warms my heart to know that several decades ago, before I even came into existence, RCs have been wrapping their heads around the National Cranberry case.

The rehashing of the same HBS talking points is what I have decided to lovingly call “Coffee Chatmaxxing.” I reference coffee chats specifically because of the underlying expectation to always have a packed social and professional calendar and to fill every spare moment between classes and large gatherings with coffee chats, whether it be with classmates, alumni, potential employers or faculty. Professors are the Final Boss of Coffee Chatmaxxing, optimizing their time with dense Excel spreadsheet sign-up slots. Everything is planned, and spontaneity is a mythological creature. 

For many of us, one of the attractive selling points of HBS is the size of the network. So it logically follows that we might aim to access and leverage as much of this network as possible. Yet after a certain point, it seems that there are diminishing returns to Coffee Chatmaxxing. As an introvert, this breakeven point naturally comes sooner, which forces me to grapple with the tension of quantity versus quality. With a limited social battery, it’s important to me that I spend my limited free time in places where I genuinely want to be, lest I be the harbinger of bad vibes. Coffee Chatmaxxing is definitely connected to the well-known phenomenon of FOMO (a term that was coined at HBS) but perhaps can be better understood as the consequence of the pressure to show up to everything. I’ve found myself in social spaces where most people seem to be semi-present, myself included. We show up to show face, yet a cursory scan of said faces would reveal distracted and distant eyes. In these kinds of engagements, I end up leaving both socially drained and mentally bored. 

With the latter half of the semester ahead, I’ve decided to challenge myself to subvert the norms of Coffee Chatmaxxing. I’m doubling down on quality over quantity by being intentional in what I choose to attend, as well as how I carry myself in social settings. I’m doing this for the sake of my own self-preservation because I don’t know how many more conversations about Canvas assignments and siblings’ ages I’ve got left in my introverted shell of a self. In a recent small group brunch, I mustered up the courage to ask people to forgo the usual classwork-related talking points. Instead, I asked, “what fills your cup? What makes you feel alive?” This led to us focusing on getting to know each other as people with hobbies and hot takes, sparking several impassioned and entertaining debates.

As I look at my calendar for the week ahead, I am choosing to see the precious gaps as opportunities to reclaim my sanity and whimsy. I’m hopeful that I can create more time and space to reflect and process some aspects of this HBS experience thus far. Some of the pending coffee chats are just going to have to wait. 

Folu Ogunyeye (MBA ‘27) grew up in Milton Keynes in the UK. She graduated from the University of Cambridge with a degree in Human, Social and Political Sciences. Prior to HBS, Folu worked in HR at BlackRock in Atlanta and in social impact consulting in New York and London. Beyond work, Folu loves to write, explore art galleries or catch a live jazz gig.